Following on from my previous post about "Navigating pregnancy with a chronic illness," I wanted to continue the series with one about giving birth when you're dealing with disabling chronic health symptoms. When I fell pregnant with the Bean, I searched and searched for some info or even blog posts sharing other people's experiences, but came up fairly empty. If you haven't read the previous installment of what it's like to be pregnant when you have a chronic illness, then do go read that one first. There'll also be a post on what it's like to be a new mum when you have these issues shortly, too. These episodes are a little longer than my usual posts, so grab a drink and get comfy. Hopefully this insight might be helpful to someone!
A quick disclaimer before we start: I am in no way a medical professional, nor can I give advice on any of this. I'm just relaying my experiences and how these things affected me. If you find this useful, then great! But please do speak to your doctor if you have any concerns or think you might be dealing with similar issues.
TLDR: Let go of all your assumptions with giving birth - no matter how much you prepare and plan beforehand, things will likely go very differently to how you expect. The more you let go, the calmer and more enjoyable experience it'll be, something I wish I'd have realised and not fought against beforehand. Also, this is an incredibly important time for you to say when you want/don't want something to happen, and you might not be able to communicate those wishes while you're incapacitated - brief your birth partner so they know your needs exactly, and can look after and speak up for you during the big event.
The big event
Where it started
A week before the big day, I had some fairly strong contractions when we were out shopping. "This is it!" I thought. Our baby is on her way and we're going to be seeing her imminently. When we got back home, I called the midwife centre and they calmly told me to wait it out, see if the contractions continued and then call when they got to one every X minutes (I forget what number it was exactly). Eventually, they died off. I felt a little disappointed, but reasoned that this might happen on and off, and not to get too excited right away.
Over the course of the week ahead, I had a few smaller contractions that lasted about half an hour, then died off. It was on the Tuesday night that things started to go awry. We had a Nando's takeout and I'd ordered the Wing Roulette - a sharing box of wings that are flavoured with the iconic Nando's sauces in a variety of heat levels - to share with Dave. I was jokingly having them to test the theory of hot food kicking labour off, and of course, it didn't. What did happen, though, was that myself, Dave and my Mum all ended up with a very bad case of food poisoning! For the next 48 hours, I was vomiting and had a very bad upset stomach, feeling quite sorry for myself while laid up on the sofa. We barely got any sleep on the Thursday night; both Dave and myself were still pretty ill, getting up and down almost every hour. About 6:30am, I woke up feeling a bit better, as the nausea and stomach upsets had finally subsided a little while before. It was at that moment that my waters decided to break!
We popped to the hospital, where the booking nurse was a little nervous that I'd had a stomach bug up until then, but was reassured when I told them the symptoms had gone. We waited in a little room to be assessed, and after they were satisfied with my bloods and blood pressure, I was sent home to await more contractions. They were starting to increase in intensity as we drove back in the sunshine. It was such a lovely day, but I couldn't enjoy it, sadly. I spent the majority of the time writhing around on our uncomfortable sofa, my yoga ball and the floor. Nothing helped me get comfortable. I had a TENS machine stuck to me for most of the day, which sort of took my mind off things. I tried to munch on snacks to keep my energy levels up; unfortunately, my appetite just disappeared from that point on until after the bubs was born.
I started using The Positive Birth Company's Freya app to help with my breathing sometime during the evening when things started ramping up. This was probably the most useful thing about their hypnobirthing course. I'd really recommend it, as it certainly assists in keeping you focused and at least moderately calm.
We went back in to the hospital at about 1am and were allowed to go to the midwife centre there. There was a time limit, though, as you're only allowed to labour for 24 hours after your waters break before they want to induce you. The time came and went before we were told we'd have to go to the main delivery suite. It wasn't as cosy as the separate midwife centre had been, so despite being unhappy to not get to labour in the birthing pool (my main wish for the birth!), I wasn't too sad to leave. One thing I will say is that if you have to be transferred, do say yes to a wheelchair instead of trying to walk by yourself. It's not fun to try and waddle down a long corridor, stopping because of contractions every few meters, and feeling like you've got a boulder between your legs! You honestly have nothing to prove...I'm telling myself this more than anyone else.
A long slog
When we got to the room, the midwife made me sit on the bed and get wired up. Something I was really afraid of was being made to lie in a bed and not being able to move around during labour, as for someone with EDS, that's a bit of a nightmare situation: it can lead to more pain (on top of the labour pains!), joint subluxations and full dislocations, and I was adament that I couldn't do that. I was convinced that once I was there, I wouldn't be allowed to get up again. Instead, she got me to kneel facing the wall and hold onto the back of the bed, cuddling a pillow. Unfortunately, that didn't help much, as the pain for the majority of my labour spread across my lower back, and within minutes, I was in agony with my nerves on fire. I discovered later that the pain being in your lower back can be to do with the induction, so I will be very reluctant to have one again in future, as it's done a number on my sciatic nerve, much as pregnancy can, as well.
Eventually, they found a yoga ball that I could sit on and I bounced around on that for hours. The two midwives that stayed with me for the majority of the time were lovely and tried to make the room as homely as possible for us. One of them strung fairy lights around the room and lit fake candles, and they let us put the playlist on I'd made a few days before. I can honestly say that the room spray and many of the other things I'd packed, following the advice of many a Youtuber, were never used. It's made a good fragrance for our downstairs loo, though! It was really nice of the midwives to make such an effort, as I was feeling quite anxious and it helped to put me at ease in the room.
It turned out my waters hadn't fully gone when they broke the previous day, so later they did have to break them - not the most pleasant feeling, but thankfully, they were able to do it manually, rather than using a big knitting needle-like instrument I'd heard is normally used in our NCT group lectures! As it turned out, I couldn't pee and ended up having a catheter to do it for me. I actually had it in for almost a week, as once you've had a C-section (spoilers!), you have to have one until you can pass water again by yourself.
I thought it took a long time for them to let me have gas and air. Once I was given the breather, however, I wouldn't let it go and happily huffed on the pipe, getting high as a kite for quite a while. It did make me throw up, as I was also chugging water so much because the gas made my mouth really dry, so do watch out for that. Dave found it rather funny when I started reciting the Konami cheat code - I'd been listening to "Anyone Else But You" by The Mouldy Peaches, which apparently no-one else had been paying attention to, and found it quite funny to recite it.
More interventions than you can shake a stick at
Much of the time I was on the gas and air I don't really remember. I feel like I must've blocked out quite a bit of it, and can only recall snippets of what went on, like I was floating in and out of consciousness. I do remember them turning up the induction drugs at one point and yelling/sobbing "I can't do this any more!" My lower back felt like it was on fire and simultaneously being poked with hundreds of needles. One of the midwives had been learning therapeutic massage and gave my back a nice pressured rub to help with the pain. They were both so kind and I was sad when they had to end their shifts. The next midwife was still very friendly - she stayed until after the 'big reveal' and came onto the recovery ward with us.
Eventually, the Consultant on duty came in and suggested I had an epidural to give me a bit of a rest. It was about 34 hours in at this point and I was exhausted. I also had barely eaten anything since the day before. I was gulping water for most of that day, but switched up to some Lucozade Sport I'd been recommended, sipping it to give me some energy. Up until the day, I'd been adament that I wouldn't have an epidural - I'd heard some horror stories from people with EDS about how the anaesthetic doesn't work, or they put it in the wrong place and cause all sorts of problems. My Mum had also spoken about having one when I was born and I really didn't like the idea. However, the Anaesthetist who did it was such a pro, I barely felt it and it was such a relief, I felt like I was floating. I got to sleep for a couple of hours, as did an exhausted Dave, and for a little while, we had a bit of peace.
Around 9-10pm, the Consultant checked me over and decided we'd gone on long enough. I'd got stuck at 6cm dilation and the baby was starting to get a bit distressed; she'd also moved into a funny position, which they weren't happy about. They suggested I had a C-section to get it over with. I was a bit reluctant (again, up until this point, I'd refused the idea of ever having one), but at that point, I was so tired, I didn't know if I could keep going. I also was worried about the Bubs. Deciding to give myself a break, I agreed to the procedure and was whisked off to theatre pretty quickly.
Dave got dressed up in some scrubs and came with me. The whole team - and there were A LOT of them - were so nice and made me feel as comfortable as possible. I was scared that the anaesthetic wouldn't work, as people with EDS can be prone to anaesthetics not giving full numbness (whatever the medical term for that is), but Dave told me later they'd put a bulldog clip on my skin and I never even noticed! They had some chilled music on and the whole thing was over in less than half an hour: at 11:31pm, she was here! We were given a little time to get acquainted, then after they'd finished sorting me out, we were whisked off to recovery, Dave pushing our little bub in her own tiny bed behind me.
A moment of calm...
Everyone raves about the tea and toast after you give birth. Sadly, mine was pretty cold and floppy, but I was starving at that point, so I didn't care. It was a little moment of calm before the storm of learning to take care of our new tiny person. Dave and I were alone on the recovery ward, and were allowed to enjoy a few hours of peace while she slept, prior to moving onto the main ward and him being ushered off home (the big CV rules meant he wasn't allowed to stay with me). That's where the fun began...but I'll leave that for the next post.
All in all, I had quite an easy pregnancy - we'd definitely do it again (God willing!) and hope to have another baby in the not-too-distant future. I feel I'm much more prepared going into it next time.
Keep an eye out for the last in this little series: what it's like becoming a new Mum with a chronic illness, which is quite likely the hardest part of this whole saga!